Friday, October 24, 2008

You can tell a toddler, but not much

MEMO
To: Cora
Re: This morning. And last night. And, probably, tonight.

Dear Cora,
I thought it would be helpful for me to pull together a few helpful hints so that we might avoid the kind of hell we suffered this morning.

1. I cannot put a band-aid on your toe if you will not let me touch your toe. No amount of crying will change this fact.

2. You do not yet have the manual dexterity to get a band-aid on your own toe. No amount of crying will change this fact, only time.

3. Once three band-aids have been ruined in a twelve hour period, we are pretty much done with band-aids for toes whose true problem is that they have not been trimmed for weeks and are now starting to break off in jagged peaks. No amount of crying will change this.

4. Even Mommies have to go to the bathroom sometimes. No amount of crying will change this fact. However, screaming flailing outside the bathroom door will certainly encourage her to hold it for fifteen more minutes. Note that this will not improve her mood.

5. Telling your daddy, "No you color Ariel" sounds to him like he SHOULD color Ariel. While no amount of crying will change this fact, a universal translator might help.

6. You cannot help stir the scrambled eggs, nor may you touch the hot toaster. No amount of crying will change this, but check again in a couple years.

7. If you put a piece of scrambled egg on your buttered toast and then hold the toast vertically, yes, it will fall off. Every time. No amount of crying will change this fact.

8. You cannot go back to bed right after breakfast. From personal experience Mommy can tell you that no amount of crying can change this. Vomiting, however, can be very persuasive. But I'm not about to tell you that!

9. You cannot wear Crocs to school. No amount of crying will change this because it is the school's rule, not Mommy's.

I hope you have found this as helpful as I have. I am now going to enjoy the remaining 2.5 hours of my "fall break" that are mine to spend as I choose.

Love,
Your Mommy

5 comments:

Eleanor said...

OH man...I do not relish that you too are experiencing toddler tantrum hell, but it is reassuring that I do not face that burning underworld alone. We're up to 3 or more random tantrums a day. Along with a little night waking accompanied by begging for Elmo's world or Baby Einstein. I'm thinking about throwing our TVs away forever. The bandaid story is classic and made me laugh out loud!

Lee Thomas said...

Hoo boy. Hang in there.

nora said...

How about: Laying down on the floor will not get you closer to the car/tying your own shoes/a smoothie/etc. no amount of crying will change that... When does 2 end and is 3 better?

Grandma Jan said...

Yes, in my experience, 3 is better! Hooray! But then there's 4...

Cara said...

Unfortunately Grandma Jan is right about that whole four thing (we did live through Daniel being 4, so I have hopes that we will make it through this year with Noah). The whole two thing does get better, but it is AWFULLY hard to imagine it during all the tantrums. You did make me laugh outloud a few times, Merie, so thanks! :-) Hang in there, and here's a hug!!! Six, just FYI, is lovely!! Daniel is helpful and funny and loves school, and lets me cut his nails, and even tries to do it himself!