1. My days must contain fewer hours than the days of some other people.
2. Our babysitter thinks all we ever eat is mac and cheese.
3. My sewing machine is secretly trying to commit suicide by getting me to kill it (you know, like on the cop shows when the bank robber won't put his gun down and makes the officers shoot him because he just doesn't believe he has any other choice).
4. There are at least four different ways in which I cannot afford to continue with this back-to-school idea.
5. The Universe is relieved I am finally picking up its messages.